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The Blood-Starved Beast is lunging at me, all flayed pores and skin and sinew glinting within the low-light of a damned cathedral. It’s poisoned me, and my well being is draining quick. I’ve obtained three quicksilver bullets left in my pistol chamber, and I simply ate filth as I darted to the aspect to keep away from a deadly slash. This might be it; one other doomed encounter. One other bloodstain on Yharnam’s shattered cobblestones. The beast raises its claws for the kill – and, pushed by pure intuition, my finger hits the DualSense set off. That noise, the one which feels like a knife ricocheting off stone, reverberates across the enviornment. A gunshot parry! A quicksilver bullet brings the beast to its knees, and I convey my sawblade down with a crunch into the writhing horror’s cranium.
Prey slaughtered. And that’s how I fell in love with Bloodborne. And it’s not been for a scarcity of attempting – that is my third try at penetrating From’s obscure tackle a fucked-up, Lovecraftian London. I attempted at launch, after by no means actually moving into these uber-hard action-RPG workouts in self-flagellation. It didn’t click on. I didn’t even make it by means of to Father Gascoigne. Again on PS4 and PS4 Professional, I used to be promised a patch had made loading occasions higher and that the {hardware} would offset a few of the rougher edges within the recreation. Nope, nonetheless too sluggish and darkish for me.
Someplace between then and now, I’d picked up each Nioh video games and platinumed them (twice!) One thing about Workforce Ninja’s extra stance-based interpretation of the system labored for me. I used to be hooked. I grew to become one in every of you; a masochist, an addict, a scoundrel. The moon was proper, the time was now: Yharnam was calling to me once more. And on the PS5 – the place loading occasions are however a faint dream, hazy within the distance – the hunt was really on, for the primary time.
I’ve not seemed again since. I’ve simply killed the Vacuous Spider, and I’ve my sights firmly set on getting the true ending – and I’ve obtained practically all of the umbilical cords I want to realize it. Sure, I do know what’s happening. Sure, I’ve been taking a look at Wiki pages and studying articles as I am going. Per recommendation from an in depth pal, I’ve been protecting my Perception excessive (I needed to see the world change earlier than it ought to, as my understanding of this cosmic nightmare got here into focus!) and I’ve been fast-tracking my strategy to the most effective weapons and kit. I’m a busy individual, in spite of everything: I don’t have time to spend eight hours of my night caught in a poisoned bastard swamp.
As a lot as I’m having fun with leafing by means of the volumes and volumes of lore about locations I uncover on-line, there’s one factor that’s made this expertise even higher for me as I’ve been taking part in: the cum dungeon. Don’t google it. Use the phrase ‘cummmfpk’ as a substitute. As a substitute of some industrial-looking warehouse stuffed with fetish gear and fluids in Walthamstow, you’ll uncover a fast-track to Bloodborne’s higher echelons: a weird subterranean lair that offers you an ungodly quantity of expertise. That is player-made; a customized dungeon that exploits randomly-generated maps stuffed with surprises and (in some circumstances) unused enemies and objects.
After you have entry to the unlikely catacombs stretching out beneath Yharnam like a lot festering rot, the ‘cummmfpk’ Chalice dungeon could make the mid-game portion of Bloodborne a breeze. Some unknown, off-screen enemy will die – again and again – permitting you to reap some 80,000+ blood echoes per reset. You may get over 1 million in minutes. Particularly should you’ve been amassing Moon runes.
Sick of farming blood vials for a boss struggle? Cum dungeon. Have to shortly beef up your Arcane stat so you’ll be able to reap the benefits of a mob’s bolt weak point? Cum dungeon. Wish to shortly degree up one in every of your lesser-used weapons? Cum dungeon. Now, I do know a few of you pearl-clutching FromSoft purists will inform me I’m doing it incorrect – that I’m alleged to bash my head towards Darkbeast Paarl for 12 hours to actually benefit from the expertise – however I prefer it this manner. It lets me benefit from the recreation by myself phrases. I nonetheless want to have interaction with lots of Bloodborne’s funkier parts (howdy, Frenzy!) and the sport nonetheless provides loads of problem.
I’m at present all the way down to the second-last Chalice Dungeon – and it’s something however a cakewalk. However I’m saving time and I really feel nice; I can experiment with my construct greater than I might be capable of in a cum-less playthrough, and a few of the ‘git gud’ edge has been taken off. Wandering across the Forbidden Woods and ripping hulking males aside with my kirkhammer feels great, sending currents of coursing bolt power by means of a dungeon watcher is invigorating. Placing the Shadows of Yharnam to mattress with out breaking a sweat was divine.
So sure, I could also be taking part in Bloodborne in an impure manner – however that feels fairly becoming for the sport, actually. However this sticky little shortcut has meant I’ve mastered some mechanics that I could have in any other case come to detest; recovering my well being with a rally after consuming a face stuffed with claws is a stupendous feeling, and realizing the intricacies of every weapon’s ‘trick’ actually makes my jaw drop in surprise every time.
Bloodborne is a gem, you have been all proper, and a few perverse prospector’s work within the spunky dungeons has allowed me to see that. I can’t wait to complete it (sure, I’m going for the platinum) and begin on Elden Ring. I’ve even heard there’s a very good place to farm runes in final yr’s GOTY, too…
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